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High expectations from a virgin teenager
Vicious feelings, collection
When I was three all I wanted was a truck that picked up a lot, at six my dream was to become a pirate like captain Jack Sparrow, turned 9, for the first time in my life, the gift I received wasn’t enough: a Nintendo DS with 3 games. Yet this was also the most expensive gift I ever got, for a 8 year old that was huge. It was gift from my rich American Godfather when I spent a week of vacation in the USA. Inside the complex addictive games, there was this seed being planted in me, a ever new feeling to collect and get more than I could ever make use, an insatiable hunger for MORE was now all I thought and dreamt about. Along my childhood I took it as my new universal law. Why didn’t I imagine this before, surely too innocent to understand the concept. That thought went on to transform even more in my puberty, the teen mind of mine took over my essence by building a hard-shelled cocoon around my ego, naturally protecting me from the scary realizations of life and growing pains. A very strange period of my life indeed.
Now that we can look back, I feel we still don’t talk enough about what happened: that strange period of life just passed by us and we let it go just like another day at the office. When they ask us about then, we are always like nyeah…it’s because you are a teen, or nyeah… it’s normal your hormones are the ones responsible. Yes in part, but there is for sure something much deeper into all of this. What is it then, and why is it so intense apparently between the ages ending on “teen”. Disclosure, I ain’t going to give you all a lecture or a masterclass like a Psychology Phd, imma give you a chitty chat like a good old friend. You might have more questions than answers at the end or maybe not even understand my point, it doesn’t matter here, what matters is that you think about this, build opinions, philosophize, damn I’m starting to sound like a dad, and I ain’t got half the age of mine yet, jeeez.
These days I have been really all around with this topic, maybe because I finally feel that this teen period has ended for me, probably long before I realized it. How about you all try for a split second to imagine, remember, when was the last time you felt you were a young teen, the feeling that the world was so big and unknow. Everything was new and frightening, life was larger than its own self. Life as a teen did it feel? Faster, slower, heavier, lighter? For me it felt faster so fast I wished I enjoyed a little more the sideview sight and just enjoyed the long uncontrollable and unknown trip. Now I try harder to enjoy that view no matter what or at least I hope so. During most of my teens a feeling of constant need of acquiring things grew and grew inside my guts, just like that feeling of getting all the Nintendo DS games. In hight school everyone’s friend had to be mine too, all the girls had to like me, fun had to be all the time and if not, then life was a drama script. High expectation from a virgin teen, you get me. As a reaction to our hostile self and environment, each of us had our own way to cope, some deliberately showed their nerves, others preferred to trick us and express the opposite, it didn’t really matter, we were all fuelled inside by this omnipresent fear. Again, I ask why did we feel that way, where did this fear come from, how did our natural instincts push us to insecurity shame and jealousy. All I am certain of, is all those vicious feelings surely take you to the wrong places, places you don’t bloom, hidden by clear sunlight, far away from inner satisfaction and peace.
Society supposes we should just figure it out, I wonder if everyone just met upon a round table to accept the impartial odds of the wrong way of living. Nah, for sure they were too ignorant to even think about that, they were too busy guessing who wanted to sleep with who, or some other wacky thing. I ain’t despising them, just saying that it might be for a reason, it is how it is. Then we are just supposed to go with the flow, follow our luck and see where it takes us, I don’t know about you guys, but it doesn’t seem like a lifetime deal to me. I say we should give ourselves a hand, help out the younger ones, the ones that are late, the ones that are confused, it’s probably too late for ourselves, but imagine how good would it have felt if everyone helped you get up when you felt lost as a teen. Sharing what we feel is really the essence of life, what we live for. Take it as your charity work, something you give back to humanity, helping one puzzled teen, is contributing to the construction of an amazing life, even if you are not the one experiencing, it’s still worth it. For sure there is a way to make anyone feel that life in all angles is enjoyable, there truly is a possibility of feeling cuddled by every aspect of life instead of lashing ourselves for everything gone “wrong”. Where the unknown isn’t a place to put on a dark sweater hoody and walk alone in the shadow, but a natural opportunity to work together in the hardest times, building and searching along.
What I say may sound like bananza, or not so much, but the eastern religions all had these concepts in them more or less…Now we should continue talking and sharing this even more transforming it ideally in common knowledge, I wish it will be. How wonderful everyone sharing their unique part of the life map, we can get so much in return.
Give a hand to your fellow teens, and especially the little one in your mind, give him a big hug, carry him out of that damp dark corner, he has been there for too long, he carries a special gift in his back pocket that is so well hidden he will need your help to find it again.
Well, that’s what we are, a big old potpourri soup of vicious feeling, but we want chicken soup and rice for dinner not that vicious soup, sounds Yuk! Make that teen smile back, and add a little compassion in your soup baby, let those feelings pass on.
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